The role of drama in relationships
I’d like to introduce you a model called the drama triangle, and I have a feeling that when you hear about it, you’ll really see how this appears in all of your relationships. And it comes up in life, not just in a professional capacity, also in our personal lives with family and friends.
I’m sure you’ve had moments when conversations have suddenly taken on a less than resourceful twist, when relationships have become strained. Whereas other times you’re able to remain calm, when if the other person isn’t and act in a way that enabled you to see lots of options in front of you.
Or perhaps you or your team have been less than functional in a way that really put pressure on productivity and interactions between all the stakeholders. And yet other projects went without many hitches and you all pulled together to get the outcome you were after.
The difference between the functional and non-functional relationships is drama
The difference between barely achieving teams and high performing teams is drama
The difference between interactions that work and those that don’t is drama
The Karpman drama triangle
The Karpman drama triangle [1968] is a social model of human interaction proposed by Stephen B. Karpman
The formal structure of the drama triangle comes from the field of Transactional Analysis when, in the 1970’s Stephen Karpman devised it to look at how participants in drama can switch roles, particularly in times of conflict.
The Victim
The Victim's stance is "Poor me!" The Victim feels victimised, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight.
The Victim, if not being persecuted, will seek out a Persecutor and also a Rescuer who will save the day but also perpetuate the Victim's negative feelings.
The Rescuer
The rescuer's line is "Let me help you." A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if they don't go to the rescue. Yet their rescuing has negative effects: It keeps the Victim dependent and gives the Victim permission to fail.
The Persecutor
The Persecutor insists, "It's all your fault." The Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior. Taking a Persecutor role might create Victims (which then in turn, might create a Rescuer) or you’ll meet an equally angry Persecutor thereby escalating the conflict further.
Your role as a guide
Your role as a guide is to spot and avoid drama (especially other peoples) and to be there observing from the side and staying out of the roles of Rescuer, Victim and Persecutor.
When you are in the drama with the other person you are not resourced to help guide them or support them and your boundaries are definitely ask risk, you’re far more likely to do or say something rash and potentially unprofessional, which could lead to far greater consequences (and a lot more drama!)
Drama doesn’t always involve other people!
How often have you been annoyed at yourself, how often have you put on a massive pity party and wallowed in some victim mindset… or decided that now you’re going to have to stop doing something in order to clear up another one of your messes!
We can certainly drop into the persecutor and victim really easily with ourselves, after all the things we say to ourselves can often be hurtful and potentially harmful and so acknowledging and sorting through these thoughts, often externalising them and talking them through with a coach, mentor or your support network can be really handy.
The Winners Triangle
So what do you do to get out of drama, when it’s happening around you?
On the training days, and in my online professional boundaries training course, I share the winners triangle which is a way to be much more resourceful when drama is occurring.
Get in touch to find out more.