Parasocial relationships - what are they and why should you be wary of them?

Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other’s existence. Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organisations (such as sports teams) or television stars.

They can also show up in the computer game industry where developers and staff at gaming companies can be treated like ‘rock stars’ or even with health/social care professionals - people who are in positions of influence or ‘power’.

These can have an impact on blurring of professional boundaries and lines become blurred between what is real and what is imagined for the other person.

These relationships are so intense that some parasocial partners may even believe that the other person actually knows about them and appreciates their support. This belief is called “parasocial interaction” and has been studied extensively by psychologists over the past several decades.

Parasocial interactions are usually positive in nature but can also be negative – for example when someone is disgusted by something a celebrity has said or done. Parasocial interactions can also be sexual in nature; some people may develop sexual fantasies about the other person.

Parasocial Interactions May Help Us Cope With Real Life Situations

A parasocial interaction can help us cope with stressful real life situations by providing an escape from reality. For example, when you’re having a bad day at work or feeling down about something personal in your life that you don’t want to share with anyone else (a breakup or losing your job), watching your favourite TV show can provide temporary relief from these

The phenomenon of parasocial relationships is not new, but it has become more prominent as technology has evolved.

Parasocial relationships are one-sided interactions between an audience member and a media figure that are typically based on media consumption. The term was coined by Horton and Wohl in 1956, who described it as "a set of feelings, thoughts and behaviours" that are developed from interactions with media figures.

It's one of the most interesting new dynamics of our collective generations right now, and especially impacting young people. Some of the key behaviours of a parasocial relationship are feelings of attraction, loyalty, gratitude and longing for a celebrity.

These are one-sided relationships that are unhealthy and toxic in extreme cases. There is also the sense of splitting off from reality and an inability to recognise that the relationship dynamic is not genuine nor mutual.

This is someone that you don't really know. The illusion is that they’re so accessible through that beautiful little blue tick on social media, that it makes you think this person is really engaging with you directly as you’re seeing so much into their personal lives and having access to their real time responses.

What signs should you be looking out for?

When you have a parasocial relationship with someone, you're so invested in their life that it's as if they are your friend, you can feel like you know this person intimately, even though you don't.

Common signs can include following the person of interest and attempts of direct communication with them. Financial donations to the causes this person supports are connected with a sense of personal investment in the person's life and their achievements. And you may feel an emotional response to the person which can include lashing out or trying to connect with them on all platforms.

You might find yourself tweeting, liking or DM’ing them on several platforms and in ways that start to consume parts of your life and you find yourself thinking about them more and more.

So, if you think you are in a parasocial relationship what should you do?

1. Try to strengthen real relationships with those around you

Re-engage interactions with friends or family in person, real-life social interactions may feel uncomfortable, and it can take time to move forward from the relationship that has taken place primarily in the imagination and distortion.

Try to actively put down your phone when you’re around other people and immerse yourself in real life laughter and conversation - not just words over a screen. Become present to the world that is happening around you.

Ask friends and family to support you with this, leave your phone behind or leave them downstairs at night, break the habit at the times when you know your resolve suffers.

2. The other person is human too

Whilst some people may appear to be a support network for everyone, it’s impossible for them to see and reply to every message, especially if they are famous or have a large number of followers. It’s not that they don’t care or don’t value you as an individual, but they are all just humans also trying to navigate life.

The other person is not your friend, just another human being and a stranger, even if they feel familiar. It’s probable that they are not prepared to manage everything that develops from being an influence and something that a you may say or do in passing can have a bigger impact on them than you may realise or expect.

3. Respect other people’s boundaries

It’s important for there to be boundaries, everyone has different boundaries and this is where the lines can be blurred for people in the parasocial relationship. Some people online may be very happy engaging in giving advice on serious topics in direct messages.

However, if you do not get a response, know it’s not personal but perhaps just a crossing of that line. Remember who your true friends are and where your true happiness comes from.

4. If you think this ‘relationship’ has gone too far, look for targeted support

Speaking with a therapist or coach can be helpful, it can help to release you from that toxic dynamic which can have an addictive nature. It’s certainly something I’ve supported people with in the past, letting go of relationships that had become toxic, even when they only existed in the mind of one of the people.

What if you’re worried that you have people following you who have developed this kind of relationship?

If you’re worried about messages on social media or in emails, get someone else to help you go through them. An assistant or friend can help you look through so you are not managing the interactions alone.

Also remember if it’s not your job to respond, or support people contacting you out of the blue, don’t reply. It can be overwhelming if you’ve 100’s of people contacting you or messaging especially if you’ve been in the public eye, mentioned on a press release or have simply become the target for someone’s imagination.

Remember there is always an off button on your phone and computer. Apps are also becoming more savvy to these problems and there are features such as turning off story replies that you can use. You should never feel guilty for using these. Ultimately as well, there is always the block button.

I work with large and small organisations who face interest from people who may end up in parasocial relationships, if I can help you with 1:1 coaching or training for the team, get in touch.